(for every huband) Have you ever caught your partner cheating? What was your reaction? How did you react initially? How did you overcome it?

I thought my wife of 8 years was cheating. She had joined a tennis club and would leave every Wed night to go play. Said she was meeting female friends for it. We had one child, and someone had to stay, so for the most part I let her have this time.

I became increasingly disturbed that she might be cheating, just a nagging doubt. I asked a friend about it - “in behalf of someone else” and he gave me the name of a counselor. This guy was good, and gave me ten questions to ask my wife, and how and when to ask them, and to do it in the order they were listed. Not use them as a questionnaire, they required a little setup. Each one had “textbook” guilty answers, and “textbook” innocent answers. It said to accept only her first answer, and not to ever try the question again. Interesting rules, but I decided to play. If she was cheating, it was a big mind game already.

We were in a quiet moment, and I asked the first question. Silence. The instruction said to expect silence, but to count the seconds so as not to be tempted to interrupt, with “did you hear me?” or other. Let the silence hang, and it did, for 27 seconds. Try sometime to watch a clock for 27 seconds to get a feel for how long it is when asking a question like this. She answered, “Why are you asking?”

Which was a textbook guilty answer. Instructions say I can use one of the follow-up questions, but not answer any of hers. If she presses, simply say - It was a simple yes or no question. Yes or no?

It also said that if she asks any questions like this in return, answer in the negative, without qualifying it. Not “No, because blah blah” because the conversation will derail to the blah-blah. Once you say no, ask her the very same question. Anything other than a yes or no is still your answer.

Bottom line, she failed every question, and I recorded every answer. I took notes on them and discussed them with the counselor. All of them? He was stunned. I still had doubts. He gave me another set. She failed all those, too.

She was failing with the textbook failure responses, not even remotely creative about it.

The following Wednesday I took our son out - after she left - and we went to the tennis club together. I told him we were going to watch Mom play. He said he didn’t want to go, so I left him at grandmother’s house. By the time I got to the club, they were in full force playing on five courts, with some members sitting in in theater-style bleachers. My wife came off the court and sat with her female friends. Moments later, all of them fluttered off to the courts and left her alone. A tall man came off the courts, walked to where she was seated, and bent to kiss her, and she reciprocated. Now I’m glad I don’t have our son with me. That’s when I noticed however, that she wasn’t wearing her rings. She was attending this tennis club and presenting herself as single.

She and the lover went onto the court and played against each other. I went down to her bags, looked through and found the rings in a ziploc baggie, and took them with me. By this time I had the presence of mind to turn on my phone’s camera and get video. They came off the court and kissed, sat down and kissed, and were generally affectionate toward one another. They kissed passionately before they parted. I thought I would retch right there in my chair.

I sat in the shadows of the seating (this was all at night) and waited for them to leave. She left first. He left second, and I followed him out. I followed his car at a distance until he pulled into his driveway, and took note of the address. By the time I was at the end of the street, I realized I could easily find out who he was. In our state, the property appraisals are public and online. When I got home I looked up the address and learned his name and that he was married.

My wife told me she’d been cleaning her rings at her mom’s house and must have left them there. She was frantic about them all week. She yelled at her mom for losing them. I think her mom was covering for her, or she was talking to a phone with nobody on the other end.

The following Wed evening I waited for her to leave before getting in the car and going to the lover’s house. I had the phone ready to go. When his wife opened the door, I hit play. The blood ran from her face. I mean, I thought she was going to faint flat. She called to what sounded like her daughter and closed the door behind her. Let’s go, she said. Okay let’s go.

We went to the tennis club and sat in the back. My wife and her husband were on the court. This woman was teary-eyed, and I wasn’t sure at all about her state of mind.

When the two came off the court, they shared their affections and sat together, all lovey-dovey. This guy’s wife whimpered. Her stomach was heaving. I had the same feelings, but not so intense. She patted me on the elbow and trotted down to the lovers. I didn’t want to reveal myself so I entered the row behind them while his wife entered the row in front of them. They were kissing, and in another world.

When they pulled apart, he turned and the first thing he sees is his wife staring back at him. He says what are you doing here? And she says I was about to ask you the same question, but it’s answered.

She jumps over the seat back, grabs his tennis racket and strikes him across the face, He snaps backward in the chair. I think she’s going to hit him again, but she doesn’t she hits my wife. At this point, instinct betrayed me. I had the option to stop the carnage, but I didn’t. I have many regrets about it. Instead, I grabbed the lover around the neck and held him in the chair. He was skinny and I’m a little more muscular, and the awkward position kept him from escaping. I lost count how many times she hit my wife before my wife stumbled away screaming, guarding herself while other members grabbed the other wife and held her back.

I ran out and drove home, thinking she was going there. She called me from the emergency room before I got home, so I went straight there. She was a bloody mess. She said she’d been attacked by a mugger and -

say what? She didn’t know I was sitting behind them and holding her lover down?

I told her I was glad she was safe, the doctors fixed her up. Scar on her scalp but nothing permanently visible. Three fingers broken on each hand defending herself.

I finally got her to the house around midnight. I wasn’t sure if she would file charges on me - how was I supposed to know this woman would go full-contact on her? Still, it was only a matter of time before all this came out.

To start the conversation, I held out the ziploc bag with her rings. She said she’d been looking for them. Where did I find them? I told her. Her face went blank for a moment as she tried to understand. Then I told her the rest. She looked away from me, numb.

“Is that why you didn’t stop her?”

I told her - frankly I wished it was me doing the hitting. Glad she was doing the dirty work for me. I shouldn’t have said that. But it was what I was feeling at the time. Each time that woman hit my wife I wanted her to hit her again. And again. Just nuts.

Within three months we were divorced. The other man’s wife divorced him and took the lion’s share of everything they had. During this time, she called me and apologized for her behavior. Something had clicked in her head, and she lost it. She thought she had it together, but seeing them kissing just made her flip.